Today it was just one of those days, I woke up in the semi-morning, feeling normal and what not, it's going to be a normal day, or so I thought. Just gonna continue my revision later on after I done my updates. Anyways, tomorrow i'm having IRK, so am just gonna read a lil' bit and cont. my Bahasa Melayu improvement. :((( sad life. FIGHTING!

There are so many moments in my life I just wished for someone to say these things to me. So many moments when I was just at the edge, and I'm not even lying when I've considered all the million ways I could die and wishing one of them would happen.

Today, tomorrow, as soon as sleep finds me in the middle of the night.

I just wished someone was there to show me.

There are so many points in my life where I knew I was just a "mistake".

I wanted to run away, and stop being this sad part of my life. Stop being this one, tiny, fucking leftover part of myself.

I was just so tired.

But it's moments like these.

Parts of novels, parts of plays, parts of literature that reminds me that things can get better. That I'm not just the leftovers and I have hope.

That will make me stop and think as quickly as I possibly can to find another reason why I need to upset of.

I still haven't felt everything yet. I'm learning through reading and watching, but it's not the same as experiencing it. And I still need to do that before I die. I still need to discover new things, feel new things, find ways to express myself intelligently.

I don't mind if people leave me behind now, but I trust them not to. I learned to trust.

I still need to learn.

Was @ 8th October, Saturday,

Long story short explanation, My Majesty came to our school surprisingly w/ unplanned decision after our recess periods, we were all shocked & we were lucky that our YEAR11A class had been interviewed by him & those paparazzi(s).

And it was the best day & the last day for me having classes at my secondary school. I had never thought all of these arrived so tremendously. I had never thought I'd become so afraid of all these. I had never thought of I'd miss all of these badly. And I never thought of I'd cry so hard for all of these. But I felt all of these, I did all of 'em.

As we told by our class teacher to moved our class's desks to the school's hall for the upcoming 'O' level, as I was moved half-way of my desk to the class's door, my best friend, since year 7 until now, she was the prefect of year 11A, she poked my shoulder from the back, as I turn back, my heart was totally abused & broken , she was sobbing so badly, I wanted to convinced her but unexpectedly at that moment I broke down myself and bunch of tears fell from my eyes. That was my very 1st time that I cried during my secondary school year, those tears & emotions. I guess emotions are hindrance. We can't control. As every of my classmates were moving their desks, they turned to me and her, and they emotionally broke down too. We gave each other a hug. We hugged as each other were sobbing. Like it was the happiest & goodbye hug ever that I've ever received. We all loved each other so much. Why do times flies so fast? As we know as well, we might will seeing each other after graduation year, but do we still on the same class? Do we still studying & having school works w/ each other? Do we still teasing each other? Do we still always wait each other on the bus stand to ahead our class together? All of these were vanished. Now I can see everything so clearly & it hurts.

What I thought :

THEM, @ Sir Rumaizi ( class teacher)'s science lab.

xoxo