sad, so sad so pain. :/ can it all just like a dream? I can't sleep. I was supposed go to bed now and not thinking about it.. but I'm sitting here crying my eyes out. I don't want to cry myself to sleep every night. I just want one night where I can sleep peacefully and not have to think. I hate myself. I hate my jealousy. I end up getting into deep thoughts and flashbacks of our memories.. My heart is hurting and I'm taking deep breaths. can't stop these tears, the feelings.. I wanna smoke, I wanna do something, to make these all go away. Please. :'( He's the first person in my life that I fell my hardest for. Why am I so stupid? why I can't show you how I actually care about you? why why why? I fail as a girlfriend for you? :'/ tell me how much do you hate me right now. :/ Sometimes, you just can't tell anybody how you really feel. Everything just hurts right now. Well, hello break down. Do your job and remove all of my pain. :( sigh... Hopefully I feel better after pouring out all of my feelings...

Thank you for reading.. :/